Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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