I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you had me at cake vodka
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
