just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
