That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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