gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
