Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
