only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
