went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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