I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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