My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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