problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
