Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
