i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize