The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
