I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
