I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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