Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
