That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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