ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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