so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
