I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
