i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I hate all girls vehemently.
I am spending my child support on dildos
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize