I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
