Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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