Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
