I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
