He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
