Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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