He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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