someone get that fucking seahorse.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
