this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
