whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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