Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
