Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
