I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
