Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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