are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
