I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
