You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
