We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
