I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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