dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
