he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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