Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
