Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
