You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
