This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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