yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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