We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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