He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
