i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
