dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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